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Conviction May 14, 2006

Posted by amybeth in Deep, Old Blog.
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Related to the last post about value, for the last several weeks I’ve been asking God to increase conviction in me – conviction that God and his principles are totally real, not just some mental theological excercise I go through. Too often it feels that life is a dichotomy with God and all that goes with him operating slightly outside reality. And yet, if anything, the spiritual life is more real than what we know as natural, everyday life. But I don’t live like that.

For example, do I really believe that its critical to feed my spirit, to seek intimate times with God – if so, why do I often put it off as a nice thing if I have time rather than the highest priority on my agenda? Do I really believe that in God lies all wisdom – then why do I feel I’m not being productive when I slow down to pray and simply wait in God’s presence? Do I really believe God will direct me – then why do I agonize over options and come up with multiple back up plans? Do I really believe God is at work in the church, the nation, the world, and that there is a prophetic flow of times and seasons in which God is calling us to participate – then why do I feel life is sometimes mundane, why do I allow days and weeks to pass without seeking God’s revelation and interceding as he directs, why do I not view that as my primary and exciting purpose but instead work so hard to do things that are considered successful in the world’s eyes? Do I really believe I am in God’s will, in his care – then why do I spend so much time fretting over events in life big and small that seem contrary to how I would plan things? Do I really believe that God is the answer, that following his principles are the best way to conduct our lives and find blessing – then why am I so hesitant to speak of them to others, why do I give empty platitudes that sound nice rather than speaking truth? Do I really believe God answers prayer and can change things – then why is prayer often the last thing I turn to, or simply a relatively insincere formulaic statement I make thinking it might add to the efforts I’m making in my own strength?

I am so fickle. God, forgive me for my unbelief. Teach me to walk in belief.

Tonight I was listening to a teaching by Mike Bickle. He said that if we knew for sure a million dollars was hidden behind a brick in our home, we’d take time off work and tear the place down searching for it. We DO know for sure that the knowledge of God is available if we seek for wisdom and yet we don’t give our all to that search. We act as if its only a maybe, so we might look in a few places that don’t disturb the status quo to much, that don’t require too much of an investment just in case there’s no return. Is God’s word true or isnt it!

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